Now That I Have Your Name
by entwinedloop
Summary: Post 6.16. Canon divergent AU. Bonnie isn't sure what she feels for Kai but she's sure she doesn't want anyone to know what's going on. Which honestly, it's nothing.


"I wouldn't say it wasn't tasty." Bonnie put her plate and spoon in the sink and turned on the faucet.

"Ooooh, the closest you've come to a compliment." Kai followed and walked by her to get to the stove. "Don't worry, the second helping gave it away. Maybe if you cook with me more often you'll see some – improvement in your skills."

Bonnie started washing her plate while Kai scooped out more of the stew.

"Don't get full of yourself." Bonnie said, brushing off how he had passed by her too closely. "I just wanted to – give you some company while you were making it. So you could give me more tips about how to deal with heretics-" She put the clean plate and spoon in the drying rack.

Kai shook his head. "You already know, I don't really know a whole lot about them." And not because he hadn't studied it for hours after she texted him with questions. If it meant that she'd have an excuse to see him, he'd play along. "If you wanted to know about covens on the west coast, I'm super helpf-"

"Then why did you ask me to meet up?" She dried her hands.

"It doesn't mean I don't know some things." He said, hoping his voice didn't betray how he hurried to reassure her. "I know that they don't like wa- Hey-" Kai stammered as Bonnie pulled the plate from his hand and set it on the counter.

"What? My food." He said, looking back at his plate as Bonnie pulled him by the arm into the Salvatore's kitchen pantry. She stopped, her head cocked to the side. He couldn't resist the temptation and touched her shoulder.

"Shhhh." She said. "Didn't you hear the door?"

Matt and Jeremy's voices filled the hallway. Matt was shouting out for Damon.

"Yeah," Kai said, no less confused but not at all interested in her letting go of him. "Why are we hiding?" He asked, taking an opportunity to take in her face as she stood so close. She responded by pulling him by the elbow further into the pantry. Kai slowed his steps.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I don't – I don't want them to see us." Bonnie looked away.

"Oh, then why didn't you say so." Kai maneuvered them to switch places before pushing her backwards into a narrow gap in the corner of the pantry. Her back hit a wall and she shook Kai's hands off her, both of them pinned between shelves and a wall. Matt and Jeremy's voices grew louder.

"Hope there aren't any spiders here." Kai said.

"What-" Bonnie blurted out and pushed into him, fisting her hand as she grabbed his shirt. Kai kept his eyes on her while she tried to peek through the canned goods and boxed ingredients that lined the shelves. Stefan and Damon kept so much food, she thought absentmindedly. It must've been the boarders who bought it and left it behind. Some of it must be expired. Between the boxed rice and sugar Matt appeared, stopping beside the pot.

"Still hot," Matt said. "Someone rushed out in the middle of lunch?"

Bonnie glanced at Kai and took a double take as she saw his eyes softly meet hers. Darkness covered the pantry, the only light coming from the kitchen, but she could still make out the details in his face. It wasn't the first or second time he had looked at her like that. She unclasped her hand from his shirt. She wasn't even particularly frightened of spiders. She just wanted to touch his – no, no, she didn't. It was just a reasonable reaction at the thought of an eight legged creature patter away an inch away from her face. Her body moved closer to him before inching backwards again.

"I don't mind." Kai said in a way that made her want to slide right passed him if she had any space to do it.

"It smells good." Jeremy said.

Kai smiled at Bonnie who rolled her eyes, at least relieved to feel a bit of the tension fizzle. She sucked her own smile at the playful pride in his grin. She couldn't help it. The fact he'd actually made her laugh before, when they'd been alone, that freaked her out more than how her insides blurred together when he stood close to her sometimes. Only sometimes. Her attention turned back to the guys in the kitchen. They wouldn't see her and Kai if they turned around – she hoped. No, she'd be OK as long as they stayed in there. Long as Kai kept himself from attracting attention.

"What are you doing?" Matt asked and sounds of cupboards and drawers opening and closing filled the pantry.

"I'm hungry," Jeremy said.

"We need to head out." Matt said and looked at his phone. "Now he texts me back. Damon said he'd be here."

"Elena's back. I told you we can't rely on him. What? Whoever made this won't notice if I take a little."

"We'll grab something on the way, Jer."

"The longer we stay in here the weirder it looks." Kai said. "You know, when they find us."

"They already found lunch." Bonnie whispered. "Quiet."

It was a useless request. When was he ever quiet? He never shut up during the times she'd hung out with him over the past month. Almost never, in the more than few times they did. Which she didn't do because she wanted to. But he knew information about the supernatural world that she didn't have. Gaps she and her friends didn't have. He knew about Lily. She didn't trust him. She'd never trust him.

He'd turned the conversations slowly, finding excuses for her to hang back, making a show of opening grimoires in front of her, refusing to loan them to her (family heirlooms, you know) so she had to sit in the same room as him as she read them. She almost wanted him to talk then, the silence unnerving her. Slowly getting her to talk about other topics. Her studies, her return to the present. His return. Distracting her like he was some new person. It was weird. He didn't ignore what happened before. He had apologized again. The final time she didn't accept it but she told him he didn't have to do it again. He had helped her by that point. He'd shown her that he wanted to make amends.

It was too late to undo this, she thought as Matt and Jeremy bickered on, and she felt the tension thicken again as she avoided glancing up at Kai, having an increasing suspicion that he was keeping his eyes on her.

"They'll leave in a minute." Bonnie resisted the urge to close her eyes. Unless they'd decide to hang around in the kitchen and she'd be stuck like this. He smelled like mint and aftershave. She had grown used to his smell. She moved her head back.

"Let me just grab something. They must have guests so they probably have it in the pantry." Jeremy said.

Bonnie's eyes widened.

"Wait, what's this?" Matt's tone changed.

"We'll just tell them we needed a minute in the pantry. You lost an earing, I was helping." Kai said and pointed at himself. "Super help-"

Lifting her hand Bonnie covered Kai's mouth and groaned inwardly to see in his eyes that he was smiling at her. If that's what it took to shut him up. After a couple of seconds she sucked in her breathe and pulled her hand away.

"You licked me!" She whispered and she knew it was too loud.

"Hungry." He said with a stupid smile.

It was a miracle no one had heard them, Bonnie knew. Matt and Jeremy were still talking in the kitchen, Matt pointing something out on his phone.

Kai opened his mouth again but he didn't speak. Deciding not to wait, Bonnie raised her hands in response, unsure for what, maybe to choke him, and Kai grabbed and held them between their bodies. If this was anyone else, if this was anyone she was attracted to, she'd feel something. Thin lines formed in her chest.

"You're not gonna risk flicking me off with magic are you? I mean, that'd get some attention." Kai mock cautioned her and resisted her movements as her breathe quickened. "I've never seen you do magic in a pantry before."

He needed to shut up. For once in his too long life. He held on to her wrists and was thumbing her palm, knowing it would piss her off, she knew. She tried pulling her hands away and Kai tilted his head playfully. He'd never do this otherwise, he'd never think he could get away with it. If it was a spell, it would've raised flames from her fingers up her arms.

"Can't you be quiet for one second? They'll leave in a minute." She whispered.

Kai nodded. He was right, It was foolish what she was doing, but it was too late for that. Her friends knew she went to Kai with questions. It wouldn't have seemed so strange for her and Kai to be hanging out. But her instinct to hide was that she didn't want any questions. Questions about things she had no answer for. That she preferred not to think about.

"I thought you wanted me to tell you about the heretics."

With that Bonnie had had enough. She stood on her tip toes as he stared back at her, at least blissfully closing his mouth, then settled her mouth on his upper lip, nearly losing her balance before leaning towards him again and shutting him up with her lips. He responded, sliding his lips over hers, caressing hers with his, and neither of them heard any more voices.

He still held onto her wrists and lowered his head, Bonnie remembering to stand back on the soles of her feet, her toes relaxing from their tension. He barely let her let go as she turned her head left, conscious that they were standing beside a silent kitchen. She no longer saw Matt hover in the kitchen and neither did she hear him or Jeremy. She and Kai were alone.

She took a half step back and snuck her eyes back to his face. His eyes were filled with something warm, something that nearly overwhelmed her in its intensity.

"They're gone." She said.

"I'm not in a hurry to eat anymore," he said and gulped her mouth and she nearly yelped in response before giving in. A hurricane swept her stomach. She was ready to let it pick her up.

"What is this?" He asked her when she moved her head away, when she felt she had to stop to take a breathe.

"I don't know."

"Don't you?" He touched her face and she wanted all of him to touch her.

"Move. Move," she said and Kai took a few steps back, letting go of her wrists.

"Don't let it get to your head. I needed to shut you up." Bonnie stepped out, trying to breathe more steadily. "And choking you would've made too much noise."

"You could've put a spell on me."

She avoided his eyes, hearing him slowing his breathing too. It made her want to kiss him all over again.

"You could've just not pulled me away like there's something going on." He said.

"Nothing's going on." She slowed her steps. "I need to go." She made to walk out.

"Does anyone know?" He said with a sigh.

"No." She turned to him, then grimaced. "What do you mean, know about what?" Her voice rose. "We're not together. We're not even-"

He pushed her against the side of the shelves and she felt that familiar tension course through her veins, looking for an outlet. Mason jars and bottles clanged and a box hit the floor with a splat. Kai threaded his fingers on the shelf on each side of her head.

"That look you're giving me," he said. "Kinda pissed off and kinda bothered and kinda curious?" He paused. "It's hot."

She met him halfway this time and their breathes quickly became loud and needy. Her hands pulled hard at his face, through his hair, and he breathed into her mouth and held her hips and she molded into him, slowing down their kiss and quickening it again as he followed the pace she set. When he backed away it took her a second to remember what they were talking about.

"Seems like a bad place to bring me if I'm a secret." He said. "Damon and Stefan's house."

She stepped away from the shelves and stood with her back to the kitchen. When she suggested they meet here, she figured Elena and Damon would be gone. Stefan and Caroline to be together. Couples pairing up. Something coiled inside her at the thought. She didn't think anyone would interrupt them.

"You're not a secret." She said instead and looked down. "Why tell them if it's nothing serious?" She asked. Listen to her, acknowledging that something was going on. Anyway, couldn't they kiss some more, then she'd be sure? She felt her cheeks redden.

"If it's nothing serious it's not a big deal to tell them." He said.

"What am I telling them?" She asked sharply, taking back the words she had just said.

He stepped closer to her. The same thin lines formed in her chest.

"This."

She looked away before taking a deep breathe and returning to find his eyes.

"Or tell them nothing." Kai said. "Start with telling yourself. This whole me helping you with your vampire issues? Tell yourself this is a bit more than that." He brushed passed her and grabbed his plate, dishing some more stew and walked to the dining room. He heard her steps come a little closer before they grew softer again. He heard her leave. Imagined her stomping away. Didn't even say goodbye. He didn't get it. It didn't make sense that she didn't want to be around him.

She can say whatever she wanted, she wanted to kiss him again. He saw it all over her face. Lord knows he wanted to have his hands all over her. He knew all about patience, even if it was like a needle threading his insides. Even though most of his life he was waiting for something that he was sick of it. Now that he knew what she tasted like, he thought, and drowned out a hollow feeling that took over his stomach. Each conversation they had he wasn't any less sure. Only more certain.

Much good that did when it didn't bring him comfort but mostly confusion, like no other feeling had since he could deeply feel. Cause he felt before, just not in high definition. It wasn't just one feeling was it, though? It was a concert. And he was just figuring out how to dance.

He remembered her face when he desperately grabbed at her hand. Well, he hadn't only been desperate, but selfish too. He felt entitled to her forgiveness, and man, that burned like hell to accept that concept. He hadn't lost that instinct completely but he knew that wasn't all he was anymore. This couldn't only be on his terms. But it couldn't only be on hers. Relationships were hard. A desire to get up and run, not towards her but away, filled him. What was that?

She'd return. He'd have to trust that. He bit into his food. In the meantime he'd stay in her sphere. He didn't really have a choice.

* * *

7/31/2018 - Light editing for clarity and wording, and remove 64 times Kai's name was used in one paragraph.


End file.
